People have been telling me lately that my husband and I did a good job preparing our oldest child, Michael, whose 4 years old, for the birth of Anna, our 7 month old baby girl. As much as I don’t want to take credit for the successful transition, I must concede that Michael has welcomed Anna with open arms. He loves to play with her, hold her, and comfort her as much as possible. He has never asked for her to “go back” to the hospital or has he shown any bit of signs of resentment towards her. Other parents have been asking me how I accomplished that. I give all the credit in the world to Michael and his loving nature, but here’s a list of the things I can recall doing to help him as well…

1. As soon as we knew, he knew. Almost immediately after my husband and I got a positive pregnancy test and realized number two was on the way, we told Michael. We don’t keep those kinds of family issues secret in my family. It involved him just as much as my husband and I, so we told Michael right away. We sat him down and explained in a very positive manner how Mommy was going to get a big tummy, then she would go to the hospital to see a doctor, and then we would come home with a baby. I told him that she will be so much fun to love and hold, and our house would be even better with another person to play with and love. He seemed to accept that well. (Keep in mind that Michael was almost 3 at the time, so he was old enough to stand the basics of what a baby is and so forth.)
2. Every time you see a baby, get excited. When we went places and saw a baby, I would turn to Michael and say something about what a blessing a baby is and how we are so excited that God has given us a baby that will be coming home soon. Use big, excited facial expressions and a positive, high tone of voice.
3. Watch and learn. Anytime an episode of a TV show had a new baby sibling, I just it as a time to get excited about bring home a baby to love. Dora has a baby sibling and so does Blue (from Blue’s Clues). Tivo those episodes and watch them with your child through the pregnancy to help them visualize and understand better what is going to happen.
4. The baby is going to love YOU! We told Michael how he is going to be the Big Brother and how special that makes him. We said things like “Anna is going to think you’re so cool, and she’s going to want to play with you all the time.”
5. Free up the crib with time to spare. I transitioned Michael out of the crib (which he was using in the converted toddler bed form) into a twin bed well before the baby was born. You don’t want the child to think they have to make way for the baby or give up items of security like their bed or a favorite toy or blanket. Michael got to keep his room, and we surprised him by re-decorating it for a “big boy”. I wouldn’t suggest moving a child from the nursery to another room unless you have to. Let the child keep their own space, so they don’t feel like they’re being pushed out.
6. Give the baby a name early. As soon as you know the sex of the baby, give the baby a name and use their name frequently. I think this helps your older child a better sense that the baby is a person not some thing you can take back to the store.
7. Give your child full access. I let my older child feel my belly, so he could feel the baby’s kicks and so forth. It was just a another opportunity to talk about how great it’s going to be with the baby in our home. I said that the baby was kicking because she’s so excited to come out and be a part of our family.

We never said anything negative about the baby coming or my pregnancy (even though pregnancy made me very sick). So say positive! Best of luck! And don’t forget to pray for all of your precious kiddos!

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